Everyday, I feel tired.  Lots of guest appearances, tv shows to make, drama shooting and a recent signed movie, and I guess I should really feel worn out.  A week is full of work and the only time you can rest and sleep is when you’ve finished all the work for the day, and sometimes during Sundays.  I really don’t know why I never quit. There are many chances that I can walk out and say to manager-san, “I quit”.  Maybe something is pulling me not to do it. 

Today, I finished taping a part of my upcoming movie and drama, a new commercial, and I went to two shows as a guest. I really want to finish early so I asked manager-san to tape parts that can be taped today.  It’s not actually that hard to guess why I did this today because tomorrow, I get to see the others after 2 weeks of not seeing each other.  Well, I guess this is the effect of being with them for 10 years.  Speaking of, I almost forgot that Arashi has an upcoming tour and concert around Japan this year and the members want it to be memorable.  I am really proud of them because they’re nearing in reaching their goals and dreams in life.  So young and yet I can say it freely.  Why?  It’s not hard to guess, right? 

Glancing at the bedside table, the clock reads 09:00 p.m. and he directly lie down at his bed.  It’s kinda early but I know I want to be prepared for tomorrow’s work: taping for a new episode of Himitsu no Arashi-chan.

Every time we do the taping for this episode, which I’m very surprised to last this long, I really want to secretly ask Riida for his deepest secret.  I don’t know why but I just want to.  I want to because maybe I am afraid that mine will be exposed first.  A secret of mine, I actually don’t know when I realized this, is eating me up.  I can’t tell the reasons why I had this feeling or why I’m feeling this way.  I only know that it is forbidden and if exposed, I think I might collapse or kill myself.  I’ve been telling myself to let this feeling go, that if I continue feeling it I might lose a treasure that I’ve been handling with care and love, but no, this stupid heart of mine won’t listen to me.

And so to simply hide this affection and not to burst in case of I’ve already losing my mind, I’ve decided to just be closer to him and do what a normal Ohmiya SK would do.  Simple and honest but not promising.  I know it will hurt me, and it already does, by the way, but to be able not to destroy our friendship I’ll take the risk.

No one knows what’s gonna happen tomorrow or the next day or the day after that, but I am willing to sacrifice my love over friendship.